Original found here, via a link on Shakesville. Original in regular and bold text, my ire in italics.
She's a Good Cook
Show me a woman who can't cook, and you have found a woman that I will not marry.
Show me a man who expects his girlfriend to do all his cooking for him, and you have found a man-child looking for a new mummy.
She Understands Man Movie References
She doesn't have to want to sit down for a Rocky marathon, but it's wonderful when you make a reference to Ivan Drago and she not only understands the reference, but accompanies it with some sort of Pro-America/Anti-Commi comment.
"Man Movie"? Really? Because our taste in movies is totally defined by our gender.
She Finds You Amusing
If the girl you are dating does not find you amusing, you are in trouble, because she's only going to find you less amusing over time. If she thinks your jokes are racist, sexist or any other 'ist' for that matter, you should conitnue looking elsewhere for a mate.
Because self-reflection and improvement are really hard, so you should definitely continue looking for someone who isn’t smart enough to realise what a dick you are.
Sexual Chemistry
This one sort of goes along with point #3, in that, just like she will only find you less amusing over time, she will be less inclined to put out over time. If you are constantly turned down, or on the other side, if you aren't as interested in sex as she is (I have heard of this happening, it may just be folklore though)
(LOL because dudes are always in the mood, rightIhateyou) then you probably aren't gonna work out.
Maybe you’re bad in bed. You could try some new tricks to keep things interesting. Also, “put out”? Christ.
She Tolerates Your Farts
A woman to keep around is the one that you unleash your full fury upon, and she doesn't so much as flinch. She knows that the smells that emanate from your body cannot be held inside, and has learned to shut herself off from the pain of the stench.
...Okay. I’ll give you this one. Even if it does sound like it was written by a fifteen year old boy. I have to wonder how you feel about women "unleashing [their] full fury upon" you, though. Turns out farts have nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the bacteria in your gut.
Intelligence
Not all women need to be smart
(how gracious, good sir), but there need to be equivalent levels of intelligence from each side. If you are a member of MENSA, and she has trouble following when you use complex sentences, then she isn't the one. If she makes you feel like an idiot with her smarts, then she isn't the one.
Smart, but not smarter than you. Gotcha.
She Is Not Always Right
A woman who concedes that you might be right from time to time is one that you should keep around. She is a diamond in the rough, indeed.
Le gasp! A woman who can admit you’re right! And you, a man, and therefore always wrong! Quick, check her for a penis!
She Is Fine With Giving You Space
When you go out for beers with the guys, she doesn't send you the "I miss uUuUu. LoVe MuffIn. 2 Sad:(((((((((" text. She doesn't always need your attention, and is fine with letting you do what you like to do.
Because it’s all about you.
Puts Up With Your Shit
She recognizes that there are things about you that just AREN'T gonna change. She has decided that these things are not vital and just leaves them be. Whether it be the way you chew your food, your snoring or the fact that you always get unreasonably angry at other drivers, she has decided that these are not the battles to fight.
Because it’s all about you, and self-improvement is really, really hard.
Takes No Shit
This may seem to fly in the face of the last sign, but a woman to keep around is one that tells you when you are an asshole. I know personally, that I have a hard time gauging how big an asshole I'm being. It's not a bad thing for her to rein you in from time to time. Also, a little feistiness shows that she thinks for herself and has self-respect.
But not too much self-respect, obviously, or she wouldn’t be with a man-child like you. Self-awareness? Who needs that when you’ve got your mum there to tell you when you’re being an arse?
Silence
You can sit there and be quiet around her comfortably. The air doesn't have to be constantly filled with nonsense.
Women, huh? Blah blah blah blah blah.
She Gets Along With Your Friends
This one is pivotal. If your buddies think she is a bitch, she probably is. In this case, find a new broad.
Unless your buddies are dipshits. Just ‘cause they’re your friends, they’re not infallible.
Her Friends Don't Suck
If you are constantly calling her friends "whores," "bitches," "wenches" or any other slanderous term, then she is probably one as well, and you just aren't seeing it. If you find that you can hang out with her friends and enjoy yourself, this is a good sign.
Hang on. She has to get along with your stupid friends, but if you think her friends are bitches it’s a sign she’s one too? Maybe you’re the one with the problem here.
She Doesn't Expect You To Like Jersey Shore
There is nothing more frustrating than when a man is expected to "like" something. For any woman out there reading this: YOU CANNOT MAKE A MAN LIKE SOMETHING. You just can't do it. You can make him do it because it makes you happy, but you cannot make him like it. A woman who understands this is worth her weight in gold.
You can’t make any person like something. It’s not just a “guy thing”. Is it possible she’s just trying to encourage you to try new things? Or just doing things with you because she likes you?
Doesn't Use PMS For an Excuse.
PMS is a lame excuse. Bottom line. I've dated many women who have symptoms, but hold it together. I find that the ones that use PMS as an excuse to be bitchy are pretty much always bitches anyway. There are no excuses for being rude or hateful.
You could take your own advice, here. Also? PMS is not an excuse. It’s a result of hormonal fluctuations, which vary from person to person. Some people get nasty, some people don’t. Some women get snippy because they’re in pain. Some women don’t experience pain at all. Another thing: anecdotal experience of one man (child) does not account for the whole of Women (tm).
Rainbow vomit makes me strangely happy. I'm kind of liking death-hawks and frizzy glam rock hair at the moment. There needs to be more of that in the world.
The bows are annoying. Too big. Or something.
Sometimes I like to draw bug eyed sweet lolitas.
After I finished this I had a horrible moment when I thought I wouldn't be able to use this outfit because it looks too similar to one of Virginie Ropars' dolls' outfits. So it's an homage, and I'm totally still original. Yes.
My first timid attempt at cultural appropriation. I wanted the colours of her clothes and jewellery to look like a macaw's plumage. Don't think I've managed that. I don't know why she's got a sulfur crested cockatoo on her shoulder when she's meant to be macaw-coloured. I couldn't decide which part of the world I wanted her to be from.
So much wrong here, from the unintentional asymmetry to the anatomy of the hands. It was going to be for my mother's birthday. Three years ago. I ended up getting her something much better. Cake. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Quickly coloured mermaids for the Unsinkable Meeg.
